the words....

There are no words that describe how I feel now.... nothing that is big enough or deep enough to even touch the emotions and the gravity of this situation. So here are the words I spoke yesterday to honor my beloved "little" brother... they only scratch the surface.

Michael and I had at least one thing in common, running. He loved it, I love it, and while recently completing the Salt Lake City marathon Michael wanted in . . . kind of – he told me that he would be at the end to pick me up and carry me across the finish line. The thought of Michael heckling me if I didn’t finish carried me through the last few miles. I came up on mile marker 26, and still no Michael. Where was he I wondered. The finish line came into view, and I really needed to see him, see a familiar face, see a cheer section devoted just to me and sure enough, I found him in the crowd. I don’t know what it was, maybe the tears in my eyes that he saw, but the next thing I know he is clearing the barricade, holding up his pants that desperately needed a belt with one hand and holding an open can of Coke in the other to literally push me, to run through the finish with me. This spring I will be running the Salt Lake City marathon again, but this time I will be running for him, not to him. We all hits walls in the marathon of life, times when we think we cannot take another step, but the finish line beckons us on, where our angelic little brother will be waiting with open arms and hopeful some pants that fit, waiting to carry us home to our finish lines.

My favorite thing about Michael was his life-long effort to evade the sister network as he referred to it – it was always the one thing that could break him. He knew that if one of us found out what he was really doing, or where he was really going, he would in short order be receiving 3 phone calls or text messages looking for details. He didn’t stand a chance.

A couple of weeks ago I got a text message from him that read ‘ha ha, I got an iPhone, and you are my first text!’ I loved how even with a 1000 miles between us we still talked and played as if we lived down the hall from each other. Some of my most important memories with Michael took place just a few months ago. This summer we made the long trek to Canada to have a few last moments together at grandma’s house. I just needed my kids to spend some time in a place that meant so much to me. They didn’t really understand the nostalgia of what we were to do, all they wanted to know is if the uncles would be there. In those 4 days Michael, Matt, and Morgan gave my kids the best summer of their lives. Michael ran around and scared off the seagulls with them at Granville island, he took them on the big kid water slides at Cultus Lake, and carried my sweet baby girl on his shoulders around Como Lake. He amazed Hunter with his gadgets and in their eyes and mine, he is just amazing! Then there was the drive home from the lake – Michael at the wheel and Matt riding co-pilot with Morgan, Doireann, Hunter, and Jorden as opinionated passengers. That hour and half ride will live in infamy as they rocked out to loud music and in the worlds of a 6-year old ‘Uncle Michael is a crazy driver’ with her eyes beaming with happiness and giggles.